Okay, so maybe these aren’t the “Top Ten” differences, but they are differences nonetheless. Enjoy a lighthearted look at church as it was “back in the day” and how it is now.
Modern Buildings. The quaint one room churches with prominent steeples or giant rock/masonry cathedrals of yore have gone the way of smoking in hospital waiting rooms, dial-up Internet, and food containing gluten. In their places are structures that vary anywhere from construction trailers to opulent headquarters of failed dotcom empires in appearance. Stained glass windows are as rare as, well, windows in any later day church edifice. And simple wooden pews? Child, please! If your church doesn’t have chrome-framed upholstered chairs or stadium seating with cupholders, you run the risk of being anathema, practically heretical! And if I had a dollar for every square foot of teal carpet laid in churches, I could give generously to pay down the debt on the comfortable seating and beautiful flooring.
Climate Control. I’m simply referring to the interior of the church, not controlling the global weather, so CALM DOWN! If the good Lord wanted us sweating profusely or shivering uncontrollably in church, He wouldn’t have invented Freon and central heat. Or in the least He would have made us all snake handling Pentecostals. But for nostalgia’s sake, I do like cardboard-on-a-tongue-depressor fans or those hand warmers fashioned from pelts of hapless varmints. That said, try to adjust the thermostat to everyone’s liking. It’d be easier to agree on the style of music or color of carpet, or to broker peace between Isaac and Ishmael’s descendents.
Narthex. Although I am prone to making up words as I see fit, I didn’t invent this one. And no, it isn’t a type of biological warfare or insect. It’s actually, according to Dictionary.com, the “enclosed passage between the main entrance and nave of a church”. Before you ask, I haven’t a clue what a “nave” is either. In layman’s terms, I’d refer to a narthex as a lobby or foyer, pronounced “foy-yay” if you are bourgeois. Back in the day, there may have been a place to hang coats, lean hunting rifles, or store choir robes. Maybe there were sheepskin bulletins or extra hymn books. These days, we can expect to find welcome centers, free coffee or snacks, and maybe even a gift store. So next time you are talking to a friend from a different church while drinking coffee from a travel mug emblazoned with your church’s logo, ask them what amenities can be found in their narthex, and prepare to duck. Because they don’t know what a narthex is either.
Platform. Now I could call the raised area from whence the preacher sermonizes just about anything, because no two churches use the same term. Among possibilities are stage, podium, dais, riser, etc. But unless your pastor used to watch “Leave it to Beaver” when it was originally aired, he definitely isn’t calling it a pulpit. And if he does, ask him what a narthex is, he’ll be able to tell you. A minister using the term “pulpit” will also be the last man to sit on a barstool holding a bottle of water or Starbucks while “sharing a talk”.
Pastors. As a former Baptist, I’ll do a little bit of alliterating for you, and maybe even think of a third “P” for the next topic. Or maybe not. Bucking the trend to rename most things in the church, at least the leading elders/overseers are still called pastors, in most cases. I like that. While they may eschew certain titles, particularly Reverend, most accept being referred to as pastors. But in this day and age of “rebranding”, I shudder to think what is around the corner, at least in more so-called progressive congregations. Picture this: a youngish guy in skinny jeans or a sweater vest, usually with facial stubble or a goatee, wearing hipster glasses even if he has 20/20 vision, walks across the platform to the previously mentioned barstool and water bottle and introduces himself as “Austin, one of the dudes that hangs out at ______ gathering”. If you ever hear something akin to that, the End of Days is at hand. You’ve been warned.
PMusic. Still alliterating, and the P is silent. See what I did there? Anyhoo, it would stand to reason that there are as many styles of worship music in the church as there are styles of music in general. And I’m not here to declare one more acceptable than another, except if its smooth jazz. I hate smooth jazz and I’m pretty sure that Jesus does too. From the traditions that forsake all instruments, to others that employ holy hip-hop in their services, there is no shortage of musical options. But don’t dogmatically deem a particular style of music or type of instrument as unbiblical, unless your church “orchestra” plays only harps, timbrels, lutes, flutes, or racket inducing horns of some kind. “Satan’s electric guitar” is no less mentioned in Scripture than the sacred Hammond organ. So stay in your lane, Pharisee! Worship music should give glory to God, so who am I to judge? Unless its smooth jazz.
Hymns/Hymn Books. Chances are, most in today’s generation think that hymns are the opposite of hyrs. Okay, kind of hacky but you get my drift. Churches these days are all about being “real and relevant”, especially as it concerns cultural trends, music being the most prevalent. To highlight the great divide between hymns and praise choruses, consider the following passages from “Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing”:
Teach me some melodious sonnet, Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it, Mount of Thy redeeming love.”
And…
“O to grace how great a debtor Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter, Bind my wandering heart to Thee.”
How awesome is that? To use the words “melodious” and “fetter” in the same song is tremendous! Mix in the depth of theology found in old hymns and it is understandable how precious they are in the history of the church. There are certainly meaningful and doctrinally solid praise choruses, but every now and then I’d like to see some King James thrown in for grins.
Choirs. You may be asking, “What is this ‘choir’ thing to which you refer”? In the not too distant past, vocal assemblies of varying sizes, uniformity, coordination, and talent levels would, under the direction of an entirely enthusiastic and poorly coiffed man, be the source of the sung words in a church service, often the focal point. On certain occasions, a soloist would step out and sing a few verses, and return quickly to the folds of the group. The waning popularity of choirs may be due in some part to their not altogether undeserved reputation as a source of gossip and contention in the church. You don’t want to be the subject of a choir’s “prayer request”! Roman oppressors in the first century would probably marvel at the effectiveness of some church choirs to destroy the unity of the brethren! I remember when I was approached by a choir member at a church we had recently joined to sing with them, voice unheard. This gives rise to the faithfulness of church choirs throughout the years to “make a joyful noise unto the Lord”.
Activities/Programs. If you think that the only things happening at the modern church are the Sunday and Wednesday services, an occasional prayer meeting, and the overworked, underpaid church administrator keeping the figurative ark afloat, boy are you mistaken! Have you checked your church’s website or Facebook page lately? Your church isn’t on Facebook? Get with the 21st century, Ebenezer! If you were restricted to choose only from church calendars, you could involve yourself in recovery programs, sports and other assorted physical activities, day trips to local attractions and restaurants, and crafts and hobbies, all geared towards others in your specific age/marital status/location/paper or plastic preference. Imagine if you will, sensei Jonathan Edwards in a black-belted gi leading a Christian Karate class. Or Charles Spurgeon providing glitter and glue sticks to the Grace Scrapbookers club. How about the notion of John the Baptist coaching a kid’s coed t-ball team? The Lord works in mysterious ways, and tells us to be all things to all people when reaching them for Christ (1 Cor. 9:22). So don’t dismiss out of hand any activity, including music lessons, except if smooth jazz is involved. Remember, even Jesus hates smooth jazz.
Finally, Dress. We get it. The important thing about church is not what we wear, but that we are there! (BTW, I just made that up. Pretty sure you’ll be seeing that slogan on t-shirts in your church’s gift shop soon.) No matter how destitute, church goers in the past always, or as much as possible, had their “Sunday go ta meetin’” clothes. Men might wear suit coats with ties, nice slacks, and patent leather shoes. Ladies might don a special dress and ornate hat. Kids would not be allowed to leave the house in PJs. Many of our neighbors today spend Sundays either at the beach/park, a ball game, fishing or golfing, or sleeping in. This “spirit of the age” as it relates to where we meet on Sunday has led to a frightening amalgamation of pressed shirts and bow ties on one end of the spectrum, tank tops, board shorts, and flip flops on the other. Church may be the best place to see the most diverse range in apparel; anywhere, any time. And pajamas, specifically pajama pants, are no longer verboten, as Martin Luther often said, but de rigueur, as a French guy probably proclaims. It is French, right? If dress does not cause spiritual stumbling, it should be accepted. After all, Jesus wore flip flops. Sandals, actually, but close enough. Regardless of what was on His feet, remember this: He still hates smooth jazz.