You might be thinking, “Well, obscure blogger, I can’t wait to see where this goes.” Quite frankly, I can’t either. In any case, we’ll get their together, if you can hang with me.
Personally, I’ve never been to Egypt. Notice I didn’t say “Me personally”. That’s redundant and unnecessarily repetitive. I’ve never been to New Egypt Speedway either, but if I had to choose between the two, I’d opt for that one. Probably, because New Egypt Speedway is in New Jersey, which did and still does suck. I’m sure Egypt is similar to many other areas, with good, bad, and everything in between. And because an assessment of a person, place, or object is hyper-subjective, what I may consider appealing could be repugnant to you. You may deem New Jersey appealing. As if. By any objective standard, you are wrong. Ancient Egypt, specifically Alexandria, was once considered the intellectual and cultural epicenter of the known world. In contrast, New Jersey is famous for the turnpike, “reality” show The Jersey Shore, Joe Piscopo, and according to the internet, 108 toxic waste dumps, more than any other state. That said, there might be nice places to live, work, and play. While only remotely possible, it’s still possible. Right?
The Egypt to which I refer is more of a metaphorical place than an actual spot on Google Maps. Although it could refer to a geographical location, in this context it doesn’t. This “Egypt” is a memory, even a longing. Thoughts of this figurative Egypt are clouded by time and selective or repressed memories. The actual Egypt we might think we are remembering never existed, or did only in part.
Maybe this will help explain what I mean. Think of the first time you rented a paddle boat. What fun! You navigated the high seas, or man-made pond, wherever you wanted, practically John Paul Jones himself! Of course I’m referring to the Scottish-American naval captain in the Revolutionary War, not the bass player in Led Zeppelin. As always, a timely and relevant reference. You’re welcome. “It was awesome”, you tell yourself, wistfully harkening back to that paddle boat ride. If transcripts of your inner monologue were available, they’d read like this, regardless of who was with you:
If I have to stand in line, it better be worth it.
For that much cheddar, it should be motorized.
It’s hot in the sun. I’m sure it’ll be much cooler in the boat.
It’s not cooler in the boat. In fact, it’s hotter than the hinges of Hades.
This is a lot harder than I expected.
I haven’t peddled this much since I rode my bike into town. I was eleven.
I have 53 minutes left??? What was I thinking???
Sure glad I forgot my water.
I’ve always wondered what heat stroke feels like. That is, if the imminent myocardial infarction doesn’t kill me first.
I hope the Coast Guard can reach me here.
In Numbers 11:4-5 we read, “The rabble with them began to crave other food, and again the Israelites started wailing and said, “If only we had meat to eat! We remember the fish we ate in Egypt at no cost—also the cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions and garlic.” Granted, the Israelites were wandering in the wilderness, with less than 5 star accommodations. In the moment, Egypt seemed better. Was It? From Exodus 1: “So they put slave masters over them to oppress them with forced labor… and worked them ruthlessly. They made their lives bitter with harsh labor in brick and mortar and with all kinds of work in the fields; in all their harsh labor the Egyptians worked them ruthlessly.” In other words, Egypt sucked.
If Egypt was so bad, why the yearning to return?
(Click “Stand on Firmer Ground” for a deeper look into Egypt Sucked)