As of this writing, we are approaching Thanksgiving Day. This means, of course, that we’ve been inundated with Christmas movies for a couple of weeks now. In and of themselves, Christmas movies are pleasant distractions during this season, usually leaving us with the feels and a positive message about faith, hope, and love. Spoiler Alert: Hallmark did not originally trademark these principles, but they did the series of ornaments, gift bags, candles, PJs, potholders, and cat toys bearing these same words. And not to single out Hallmark, but they crank out these movies like Nickelback does aural effluvium. Side Note: Nickelback is to lousy music what Mary was to Typhus. But I digress.
Netflix, not to be outdone, has joined the holiday movie fray, with offerings that run the gamut from awful to exceptionally good. The first yuletime flick my wife and I endured was the cinematic version of a botched lobotomy. It made the old kid’s show Barney seem like Masterpiece Theatre by comparison. It was so intellectually vapid that I forgot how to tie my shoes and couldn’t name a single state capital after watching it. Did we suffer through the entire mess? You bet your sweet bippy we did! Why??? I DON”T KNOW!!! I’ll attribute it to slowing down to gawk at an accident on the freeway; we couldn’t turn away! Before you label me a Scrooge, I’m cuddlier than a cactus, more charming than an eel, and I’m not a bad banana with a greasy black peel. At least not in my own mind. My wife and I quite enjoy watching these movies together.
Basically, there is a single template for Hallmark type Christmas movies, with different situational dynamics. It starts with a less than satisfying relationship or circumstance, then proceeds to a “chance” encounter with soon-to-be soulmate, crisis from past secret, last minute resolution, and happy ending. Mix in impromptu snowball fight, making of snow angels, falling on each other in the snow, some type of carriage ride, and Christmas decorations covering every possible surface, and you have a recipe for 2 hours of entertainment (and Hallmark commercials). Next time you watch a movie on the Hallmark channel, notice how many people are carrying coffee cups, drinking coffee, or sitting in a coffee shop. Right this second I’m sitting in a Starbucks and I love me some coffee, but Geez Louise! I believe that these common tropes give us a sense of comfort and nostalgia, and therefore provide a kind of salve for our souls. When the credits roll, everything is right in the Hallmark universe, and we feel as though it will remain that way. Truth told, the actors simply ran out of script, walked off the set, punched the clock, and went back to their actual lives. As much as we may sometimes long for them to be, our lives are not scripted, and the “happily ever after” may not come in an ending neatly wrapped with a pretty bow.
(Click “Stand on Firmer Ground” for deeper look into The Hallmark Syndrome)